Shower me in spam

Finally got a comment on one of my blog posts.  Thank God I know where I can buy Celebrex now.  A writer writes, always!


News outlets, suck my dangus

Gotta love how the news outlets are making a huge issue about Phil Spector looking ugly in prison. No one gives a shit anymore that he killed anyone. “Listen up, everyone!  HIS WIG’S GONE!

Hey Hollywood, I’m going to go watch Cheers now on the TV

Bye for now, ack ack!

Hey, Hollywood, I’m here.

Roving reporter Hobart Sloms here. You know, I’ll be honest, I always wanted to be a writer. I never wanted to be doing any of the jobs I had for very long, because they were all so horrible and boring, such as, church babysitter, bag boy at the Honeybaked Ham, book shelver, note taker, data entry clerk, temp, temp, temp, temp, temp, fired temp, temp, government lackey, school id photographer, temp, temp, temp, temp,



and now hocking junk. My brain’s on fire sometimes with ideas.

I feel like Charles Bukowski, but like, if he had a “real” drinking problem.

Pop culture round up, September 15, 2014

I’ve just learned that pop sensation Meghan Trainor’s songwriting style is heavily influenced by soca music, which is, according to wikipedia, “a genre of Caribbean music that originated within a marginalized subculture in the Trinidad and Tobago in the late 1970s.”

I, myself, was also influenced by marginalized cultures, but right here in the US. I can’t tell you how much I like big butts. I cannot lie. You know, you other brothers can’t deny. When a girl walks by with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you tend to get sprung. Look out, son.

Yours faithfully,

New hit song by Iggy Azalea, “Cane Toads”

Just got a really early release of the new Iggy Azalea hit, “Cane Toads.” Really excited to hear that one. I think my colon might knot up when it finally hits the charts.

Pretty sure Casey Kasem is going to come back to life for this one, fuckin’ ponderous!

Nutrifast Buffalo Slime Tortilla Wraps…A Review

Since losing over 700 pounds on Nutrifast, I’ve begun to think about doing some reviews on the great products that Nutrifast provides.

First up, we have the Nutrifast Buffalo Slime Tortilla Wraps. I think these are just terrific.

You get one small (1/4″ in diameter) tortilla wrapped in plastic, and one 2 ounce plastic packet of buffalo slime.

The tortilla is wrapped up all nice, similar to a supermarket frozen pizza, so you unwrap it, and because of the soy lecithins, it is incredibly smooth and ready to enfold your buffalo slime.

Take your tortilla out of the plastic and put it on a Chinet paper plate, which I use all the time, because I am a lazy pig who never does the dishes.

Then you take your plastic packet of buffalo slime, and tear off one corner. Squeeze the slime onto the tortilla, making sure to use it all — we only get so many calories in a day, girls! Ha ha!

Now, roll the tortilla and enjoy.

I think you will find that the slime will ooze almost completely out of the tortilla, and the whole “flavor package” is similar to eating out the asshole of a Brahma bull in mid summer.

You’re going to love it.

God bless,
Hobart Sloms